Russian Adoption Story - Bleak on Bleak

Russia suspended adoptions by Americans this week in reaction to the incident in which a woman from Tennessee sent her Russian-adopted child back to Moscow, unaccompanied, with a note that said "I no longer wish to parent this child". Several people have asked me what I think of this, since my wife and I adopted two older kids from Russia in 2003.

Let's start with the obvious: the choice Torry Hansen made is appalling on many levels but it is particularly inconceivable that she did not understand the most basic fact of any adoption: when you sign the papers you make a complete and irreversible commitment to be the child's parent. Even if her contention that the she was mislead is correct, the permanence of the adoption still rules. Find a therapist, look into medications. This is not Costco.

You have to put some blame on the adoption agency. The vetting process for adoptive parents is rigorous and lengthy. If done properly it should have flagged this woman as an unsuitable parent. I believe that the only good that may come out of this is a tightening of the requirements.

There's a lot of chatter about the general topic of international adoption but very little on the adoption of older children specifically. There is an enormous difference between adopting a baby and a child 5 or older. There is history and memory, not to mention the experience of several years in an orphanage. There has been a trend to expand the eligibility requirements beyond "traditional families" and I suspect it has been taken too far. For example, I came in contact with a single working woman planning to adopt 2 older Russian kids. Knowing what I know now about the time and energy required to put these kids on the right path I have to say this should not be allowed. As I understand it, Ms. Hansen was allowed to adopt this child with her mother. 'Nuff said.

As a warning, let's put that adoption agency out of business.

It's disheartening that one act of stupidity could have a major impact on the well-being of many children. If the suspension of adoptions lasts for any significant period, many children may lose the chance to finally get a safe, happy life in a family. I don't think Russia is completely wrong here but before they get all teary-eyed with national pride they should not lose sight of the facts. There are over 700,000 orphans in their country, mostly due to the dire economics that rank-and-file Russians find themselves in. Adoption by fellow countrymen is not an option. It's bad enough that the life expectancy of a Russian man is 58. Among many bleak statistics* about Russian orphans is the life expectancy of the ones who don't get adopted: 30.

So my reaction to this is don't forget about the waiting children. Anyone who has been inside a Russian orphanage is haunted by the ones left behind. By and large The U.S. and other first-world countries give these kids a life they will never have otherwise. That is all that matters.

*Within three (3) years of “aging out” of the system approximately 20% of Russian orphans will be in prison, 40% will be homeless and 33% will be unemployed. Is it any wonder that 15% of them (approximately 1,000 per year) will commit suicide before the age of eighteen (18). Among orphans in general there is a great tendency toward drug and alcohol abuse, crime and prostitution as they look for a way to escape and a means to survive. In Russia, sixty percent (60%) of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become criminals.

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