Snow Joke

It's so deep you don't know where you are. You, literally, have to carve out a life for yourself. It's monolithic. It's waking up on the wrong planet.

The cold puts the cry in cryogenic. The icicles are absurd. Sky daggers, roof tears. Be careful where you stop to check your mail.

Driving is insane. Compacted walls around minimal ribbons. You're lucky to get from A to B. The snow is so deep you can't see your knee in front of your face.

A Case for Abnormality

I think I would like to be officially abnormal - it would solve a lot of problems. I could be psychotic or gay or have a club foot. -I don't care as long as it deviates from the norm. People could then say "Of course he's depressed, he has three arms!" or "Don't listen to him, it's the spina bifida talking."

Being abnormal would open many doors for me (and I don't just mean handicap access), grease a lot of skids, and eliminate a great deal of noise and responsibility. People would approach we with "Forget about me, how was YOUR day?" wearing a worried look. I could call my wife at work and tell her "I finished the jigsaw puzzle!" A simple life could be mine.

If I play my cards right I might convince people that my condition has led to some level of brilliance and insight. "His music touches me - especially since the amputation."

You see being normal isn't working that well for me. I'm expected to brush my teeth, take the kids to the mall and get regular colonoscopies. What kind of a life is that to look forward to?

French Words With No English Translation

Dépaysement: The sensation of being in another country.

La douleur exquise: The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can’t have. Even a Sex in the City episode was named after it!

Chômer: To be unemployed, but because it’s a verb, it makes the state active.

Profiter: To make the most of or take advantage of.

Flâneur: As defined in the book Elegant Wits and Grand Horizontals, it’s “the deliberately aimless pedestrian, unencumbered by any obligation or sense of urgency, who, being French and therefore frugal, wastes nothing, including his time which he spends with the leisurely discrimination of a gourmet, savoring the multiple flavors of his city.”

Esprit d’escalier: The literal translation is staircase wit, but it means to think of a comeback when it’s too late.

Retrouvailles: The happiness of meeting again after a long time.

Sortable: An adjective for someone you can take anywhere without being embarrassed.

Voila/voici: It’s so necessary that we use it all the time. “Voila” literally means “there it is” and “voici means “here it is.”

Empêchement: An unexpected last-minute change of plans. A great excuse without having to be specific.